The Cat Fight: Round One (Carrie vs Elorrah)

The very first fight of the tournament was between myself and Farseer Elorrah, Orks vs Eldar.  The lists were something like this.




Carrie:
Klaw Boss
SAG Mek
9 Nobs: Big Choppas, Banner, Pole, Painboy
5 Lootas
21 Shoota Boys, Choppa Nob, RL, BS
21 Shoota Boys, Klaw Nob, 2xBS
10 Shoota Boys, BS
CCW Dread
Looted Wagon: Red, Skorcha, 2xBS
Looted Wagon: Red, Boomgun, Ram, Wrecker, Riggers

Elorrah:
Farseer (Doom, Fortune)
Farseer (Doom)
5x Dragons (Pike Exarch)
2x 11 Banshees (Exarch), Serpent
2x 5 Dire Avengers
5 Rangers
Falcon: Lance, Cannon
Falcon: Launcher, Cannon
Wraithlord: Sword, Scatter Laser

Now, before we begin, I decided to give Dear old Elorrah a bit of a handicap.  Every time I lose a unit, I take a shot of whiskey.  It should make the game more fun, right?  So, let's see how things went!


We started off with Dawn of War and Seize Ground.  I won the rolloff and chose to go first.  I deployed my Nobz (Troops thanks to Boss) and Boss on the left side in charge range of her objective, and my Klaw Boyz on the right sitting on an objective.  She chose to not deploy and walk on first turn, so Imoved my entire army onto the board lickety split!

She moved all her stuff in on her first turn, then shot.  One of her Falcon stunned my Skorcha Wagon (Da Fyah Trukk).  Then her Serpents fired on my Boys on the right and managed to kill a grand total of....  One.  Truly the Orks are strong.

Turn 2.  I rushed up with most of my forces, then hit my Waaagh.  Why not, right?  SAG Stunned one of the serpents, and my Boomgun stunned one of the falcons.  Then it was on to assaults!  Unfortunately, due to a bad DT roll my Nobz could not get into combat with the Rangers sitting on her objective, but the Boss did get to klaw the hell out of a Falcon, but Holofields just left it shaken.  After then end of my Turn 2, the board looked like this.

Nothing much had happened, and I hadn't even taken a shot yet!  Oh what's a poor girl like me to do?  Well, the very first thing she tried to do on her turn was Tank Shock the Warboss after unloading a whole squad of Dire Avengers.  So what did I do?  DEATH OR GLORY!  The result of hitting AV12 with Holofields once with an S10 weapon?  Explodes.  That's right.  The Boss is Boss.  Shame the explosion didn't kill any of the Dire Avengers though.

The Green serpent killed another of my objective camping boys and the two Avengers squads lit up my Warboss who, through miraculous dice, managed to take only a single wound.  Unfortunately, the Rangers shot too and managed to pin him with the only wound they caused.  The Fire Dragons who hopped out of the remaining falcon kill Da Fyah Trukk by pumping its rear full of hot wet melta.  It subsequently exploded, killing one Dire Avengers and wounding one of the Flash Gitz inside.  This marked the first step in my handicap match.  {1 shot.}

<Carrie> - For Gork!
<Carrie> - OH MY FUCKING GOD
<Carrie> - Maker's Mark is burny as fuck
<Carrie> - Fucking 90 Proof whiskey
<Farseer Elorrah> - eww
<Farseer Elorrah> - all i can think of is "Why?"
<Carrie> - Why not?
<Carrie> - My mouth tastes like a janitor just cleaned vomit off of it with that powder stuff

It was once again my turn.  I moved up, then shot my Lootas at the Black Falcon, Stunning it once again.    My SAG rolled a 9 for Strength, but missed, stupid BS2.  Luckily, my Flash Gitz, in retaliation for losing their sweet ride, unloaded on the Fire Dragons and killed all of them except for their Exarch, despite only having AP6 this turn.  The rest of my shooting managed to kill one Ranger, despite my obvious attempts to fire template weapons into my own army (They kept scattering the wrong way!).

Assault time, where Orks shine!  Especially here, where the only units she had that didn't end up getting charged were the two avengers squads.  The result?  Nobs wipe the rangers without taking a wound.  Flashgitz finished of the Exarch and Multiassaulted his Falcon, tearing off its pulse laser.  My Deff Dread (Stompa Killa, the Venerable Deff Dread) pulled off the same Falcon's Missile Launcher and oh how he laughed.  Next my Choppa Nob (Fearless Bob the Wonder Nob) proved why he has that name when he clipped the gas tank of the Yellow Serpent with his Big Choppa and the entire thing exploded.  The resulting 6" explosion killed 5 Howling Banshees and wounded the Farseer, but also killed 10 Boyz, 7 from Bob's squad and 3 from my Klaw Squad.  I'm still calling that a net win, Orks are supposed to die, after all.    The Klaw mob broke the Green Serpent's Bright Lance and the Klaw Nob wounded the Wraithlord, but they lost combat and one boy due to fearless saves.  Have I mentioned I hate that rule?  Here's the map after my turn 2!  Or 3, or whatever we're on.

You'll notice that, at this point, I freaking OWN the right side.  It is mine, it belongs to me, and the only thing contesting it are 4 Dire Avengers and a weaponless Falcon.  Sure, next turn she killed my boss with those Black Dire Avengers, {2 Shots}  but she couldn't take away his GLORY!  Now, the major issue here is that I am now face to face with lots and lots of very angry Banshees who are honestly very good at killing Ork Boys.  The small squad of Banshees took out 5 Boyz while the Boys, in return, dropped everyone but the Autarch.  Mob Rule saved their bacon in the leadership tests and they stuck around.    Unfortunately, in the other combat 10 Banshees, 1 Farseer and a Wraithlord ate the Boyz before they could even hit back.  {3 Shots}So it goes!  But once more, it was MY TURN!

But instead Vassal decided to eat the game, leaving me only able to see my own models, and we had to call it.  With me completely controlling the right side and about to March left like Germans into France, not to mention holding two of the three objectives and contesting another (That had no troops on it) We decided I won.

Suck on that whoever made the odds, 10:1 my ass!